Sex, the city, and a little bit of mystery

I'm on a Sex and the City kick. It's just what I do when any relationship ends... the good, bad, and ugly ones. It gives me a sense of shared dysfunction... that maybe my issues aren't just my own. It also makes me think that if these women can find and sleep with so many men (fictional though they may be), that just maybe there's someone out there for me. Call me twisted if you will. I'm almost done with season 3.

I've noticed that whenever I watch Sex and the City, I get overly Carrie-esque in my thoughts. I start internal dialogues with questions about men and relationships. And along those lines, my thought of the day is this-- Is there something to be said for being mysterious?

A particular girlfriend of mine and I are admittedly chronic self-disclosers. We both self-disclose far too much in relationships of all types. But what about being mysterious? Is there an allure there that I've never caught on to? I suppose I've never tried it. I don't think it comes naturally to me. But maybe, just maybe, there's something to be said for it. At the same time though, I'm wary of anything that would detract from me being myself, and I'm not a fan of having to watch what I say. Okay, let's be honest. I'm just generally not a fan of self-restraint. But still I am confident that no matter how I play my cards-- one at a time or all at once-- I will still end up with the right guy. I don't know why, I just am.

On another note, I am hosting a grown-up party. It is a Christmas party of sorts, and it involves cocktails on a Saturday afternoon. And so far, 3 people are coming. Probably because my crappy work schedule makes for a crappy time to have a party. Oh well. If I have any say in it, It will be the best damn time ever had by 4 people on a Saturday afternoon.

Times of change

I have a huge headache right now, so I'll make this short.

One of my favorite co-workers was fired yesterday. I learned this as I arrived at work today, but didn't quite have time to be sad. Immediately, it strapped me with a lot of responsibility that I didn't previously have, as I am now the senior person in my position at my job on Friday and Saturday nights (there's a lot of turnover!). And to put it quite bluntly, we run the place at night, so it's no small feat. The night ran pretty smoothly, but I was still a big ball of stress throughout. Hopefully I will adjust to the new order of things quickly and the stress of it all will subside.

Also, I'm single again. I'm sad, but we both agree it's definitely the right thing for now.

Which altogether brings me to my question of the day-- is change always a good thing? I guess I feel that change in itself isn't necessarily a good thing, but the direction caused by change always has the potential to be good. There's my intellectual deviation from a regular, boring old life update. I'm going to try to do that once per post now... just to spice things up a bit.

Now for my "end of a stressful day" margarita and obligatory episode of Sex and the City.

the Inbetweenies

I'm in a very strange place right now. Lots of things feel seeded with doubt. Much of my life lacks a feeling of permanency. Maybe it's because a cross-country or overseas move within the next 6 months to a year is inevitable. I'm sure that some of it has to do with the post-college limbo that I'm stuck in. I don't quite feel a part of the real world yet (and to make things more complicated, I'm not going to be a part of the real world just yet-- I have 2 online classes I still need to take to finish up my degree).

My spirituality is lackluster at best. I know there are steps I need to take to regenerate that part of me, but I feel wholly unmotivated to follow them. The past year has consisted of me sitting on my ass, waiting for my spiritual life to blossom on it's own. But hey, plants don't grow if you don't water them. Something needs to change and unfortunately, that something is probably me.

Work was frustrating tonight. I was stuck doing the job of 2 people, and on top of that, I worked on the female unit. The drama was endless, and for the first time I actually had a passing thought about quitting on the spot. I would never do that, but it was truly one of those nights. Definitely the worst night I've worked in a long, long time.

On an unrelated and much lighter note, I got a new (Free!) phone this week. It's not an iphone, but I like it. It's very shiny.

Here, sleepy sleepy

I love sleep. I've always been someone who can't get enough of it. If I have the opportunity to sleep 10+ hours, I am all up on that. But over the last couple of months, I've become someone who just can't sleep at all. Even as I type this, it seems like a surreal and exaggerative thing to say, but it's true. I can't remember the last time I got 8 hours of sleep that was not drug-induced.

I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago. He prescribed me something that's supposed to "knock me out" and "get me back on track". It has done neither of these things. Sure, if I double the dose I sleep pretty well. But I don't want to have any sort of dependency on it and I don't like that it's a sleep that's hard to wake up from, so I don't take it unless I work the next day (the doc said I could do that). And on the nights I don't take anything, I just don't sleep. I don't fall asleep after lying down for hours, and I don't fall asleep and then wake up a couple hours later. I just don't sleep. If anything, it seems like it has gotten a bit worse since I saw the doc about it.

The whole ordeal is just a mystery to me. I haven't been overly stressed, the only changes in my diet have been positive ones, and overall I just have no clue as to what could be causing or contributing to this. It's as if a switch went off and all of the sudden my body operates differently than it did before. Bizarre.

I'm going to start trying a natural supplement (melatonin) before bedtime at my aunt's suggestion. And if that doesn't work, it's back to the drawing board.... er, doctor's office.