Love and marriage

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn

For some context: These thoughts are due in part to my former Prof Jenell's latest blog entry here.

Lately I've been thinking about marriage; the idealized, fairy-tale version of which has not existed in my mind for a number of years. They say that your own view of married life is greatly influenced by the marriage models put before you, namely that of your parents marriage. My parents have a fantastic marriage. They are loving, affectionate, committed, and healthy. They disagree sometimes but fight fairly (except for the time that my mom got mad and smashed a plate... though we're not supposed to mention that, and I'm pretty sure that was because of us kids...).

But outside of my parent's marriage, which I'm convinced is a fluke, I can't help but see a dismal picture. I watch as certain friends of mine who are married struggle to stay afloat, either drowning slowly, sadly, or quickly and violently in murky waters of marital discord. Infidelity (both real and imagined), instability, unfulfilling or nonexistent sex lives, unhealthy levels of control and codependency-- these are only the beginning of the multitude of obstacles I've seen my married and engaged friends experience.

It seems that the older I get, the more overwhelmed and disillusioned I am at the concept of marriage. I think the things that I would want in a future partnership are reasonable. Friendship, companionship, love, sex, intimacy, shared values... the list goes on but it's very basic. I feel like I would only be willing to sacrifice parts of these elements some of the time. Still, ultimately I demand them all and I know that I have high expectations. And from what I hear, most marriages having gaping holes of imperfection. If marriage met even the mildest expectations of most people, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high. So is it remotely possible for me not to be completely disappointed in marriage?

My mom brought up a good point the other day. She said that people will struggle with fulfilling their needs and being content whether in a marriage or not. We are all broken people, married or not. And perhaps as broken people, we are meant to live and share our broken lives, in marriages and friendships and relationships of all sorts.

I always have more questions than answers. If and when I do get married, will I be able to handle the sure and certain disappointments? Will I find someone who is worth all that disappointment? And most pressing of all, in my mind-- will find someone someday who believes that I am worth all of the hardship?

Real living

Right now, my philosophy lies along the lines of "work to live" versus "live to work." I hope that I don't ever live to work, personally. I want my job to be a catalyst for the real living that I want to do-- the traveling, writing, quality time with friends and family, and generally pursuing my passions. My greatest fear is being so busy that I don't have time to do the things that I enjoy. I see so many people accept this as just a fact of life, when I don't necessarily think that it needs to be.

Right now I don't know how much real living I am doing. I love the time I have to be around the apartment and clean and decorate like I have lately. But the thing I hate about winter is that it becomes so easy for me to justify staying inside and dinking around on my computer. That's the thing about real living-- it's easier to visualize it than it is to make it happen.

On the agenda for tomorrow:
1. Haircut
2. Writing
3. Yoga

It's a good start.

A weekend filled with sniffles

Since work has been so stressful, and I now have a little bit of "padding" in my checking account, I have not been picking up as many shifts at work. So I generally have 3-4 days off instead of two. I'm filling my time up well enough... I have some online academic stuff to register for and get finished with this semester, I'm trying to sell my old car, and there are always friends to see here and there along with plenty of errands to run. It's amazingly nice, these long "weekends" (Mon-Thurs aren't exactly weekends, but what can ya do?).

This week I went for a massage (A-mazing and long overdue), got my car's audio system fixed, went on the hunt for some yummy hard cider that I had at a friend's house, and watched Superbad with Corey. Unfortunately, I've also spent most of the week sick with a cold. I suppose I could have the "at least I didn't have to work" perspective, since I'm not sick enough to really miss work... but it still sucks nonetheless.

And for whatever reason, whenever I am sick, I tend to get a little lonely. Oddly enough I have been happily alone as of late, which makes the feeling even more awkward and out-of-place. When I asked my friend Dariush where the loneliness comes from, he said "When we are sick we need comfort. You can't comfort yourself." And so here I am-- congested, tired, red-nosed and just a little bit lonely. The single life can be fabulous my friends, but it never is when your resolve to be independent breaks down at the sight of a cold, and it is then that you just want to be taken care of.

Why feet and curling irons do not get along

New Years was a-ok, but in the end I was a little too spread thin. I spent the night with Ashley and we made a total of 3 stops from 9 to midnight. First, a drag show at a club in South Minneapolis where we met up with my friend Meghan and her girlfriend Lila. It was definitely entertaining. I have a great love for the gay community and how colorful it is. For me, it's easy to feel at home among such a diverse group of people.

Next we went to house party #1 in North Minneapolis. Ashley got to see her friend Justin who was visiting from out of town. In 45 minutes, I got to see no less than about 8 spills by drunken partiers on the pristine white carpet as the homeowner had many a panic attack and tried not to look until the spills had been cleaned up. That was mildly amusing.

Our last stop (at the stroke of midnight no less) was at another house party in North Minneapolis. Here I got to see my beautiful friend Amanda and her boyfriend Andrew, and Amanda's dog Roo-- the cutest miniature pinscher in the world. And my dog pining continues.
Next year I'll be cutting it down to 2 parties at the most. But overall it was a good time (with no hangover-- I was the DD).

As far as less happy updates go, last week I dropped a curling iron on my foot which made a really sweet, deep quarter-sized burn. It's fairly gross and not healing very well. I had the nurses at work look at it and they gave me all sorts of tips on how to take care of it. Good times.

My other good time involved my car and a plow truck. I was at work, idling, waiting to turn into the parking lot when the company's plow truck backed into me. There's a 1 1/2 foot dent in my front left fender now. I'm probably not as upset as I should be, since I figure a) It wasn't my fault, and b) I should be getting a nice chunk of cash from my company's insurance which will allow me to actually pad my checking account and pay a few bills. You've gotta look for the good in pesky situations like that. At least I do, otherwise I tend to see life as little more than a series of misfortunes and that does me no good.

New roommate is moving in today so I have some cleaning to do. Did I mention that my old roommate moved out? She graduated in December and moved back to her hometown of Milwaukee. At least that's what she claims. I think she was slightly turned off by my excessive cleanliness and the life-sized blow-up of me and Leo that I kiss every night before I go to bed. No, that couldn't possibly be it...