Three things

Things in life that confuse me: God. Money. Men. That’s mostly it. I’ll go in that order.

I’m very much stuck on Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. That higher power is God, and I don’t doubt that. But God and I haven’t been incredibly close for awhile, and I’m realizing now how deep my trust issues with him run. I’m seeking to get to know him all over again. I’m still waiting for the spiritual awakening.

I’m tightening my budget now and am extremely afraid of financial failure. But that’s a God thing too. In this economy and in this company I could potentially wake up every day fearing for my job or wondering how I’m going to pay my bills. But I’ve asked for help with my finances and I’m learning to turn it over, because I can’t live in fear. God is in control of the financial aspect of my life too, all I can do is put the effort in and let go of the results. I know this.

I have a second date tonight with the Haitian. He’s very, very gorgeous and sweet and says all the right things, however I’m still skeptical of his intentions. I may or may not have a first date with another man, who I will call the single dad. I don’t know him very well at all yet but he seems like a sweet guy, though very busy with work, school, and a 5 year old daughter. I’m looking forward to meeting him, he seems like he has a really positive and spiritual outlook on life and I like that. All in all, dating makes me crazy sometimes. I have my girl moments where I make a mountain out of a molehill, but that’s just the nature of the game. I was never very good at this, but I’m learning.

I have a really amazing idea for my next tattoo. I’m thinking a sequence of the same bird… the first being the bird with its feet on the ground, the second being the bird beginning to spread it’s wings, and the last with the bird flying. I like what that says about learning, trying, and spiritual discovery.