Moment of truth

As I scroll through online profiles I judge the world of men. One mention's his ex, another can't spell, another babbles on and on or uses phrases I resent: "looking to settle down" or "I prefer white women" or "looking for a girl who takes good care of herself" (which always translates in my mind to "move along fatty").

And in one moment of mental clarity, as my thoughts spun with judgment of "weirdos", I realized that my greatest fear is being one of them.

A wise woman in my life once pointed out to me that the things that bother us about others are really the things that bother us about ourselves. I've found this to be true too many times. I have a great fear of being seen as too strange to be lovable, and this is not limited to my dating life.

Moving out of the desert meant moving back into the humidity of Minnesota's summers. It also means, apparently, that my skin has decided to revive the acne of summers past... summers that I thought were over. And when I think about my new-found pimples, I can't help but remember how painful my teen years were, feeling so self-conscious and bitter.

So perhaps I have a ways to go in accepting my abnormalities, my weirdness, my quirks that make me uniquely me. And maybe if I make an effort to stop silently judging others (even if it is in the superficial world of online dating)... maybe I can find the grace to stop judging myself.