Oh the things I've learned to be thankful for

Since I've had Charlie, I have seen him react protectively of me in three situations. In all three situations, the people he was trying to "protect" me from were high. It's kind of incredible, but this dog can honestly pick up on that, and does not like it one bit. Which brings me to tonight.

I strolled out with Charlie around 7pm to say hello to my neighbor Jen. As we were chatting, I saw a man running along the walkway and up to the fence that connects the back of our property to another property. Charlie immediately made it clear that he did not like him. He ran over to the gate, barked incessantly, and scratched his nails against the concrete in warning to the unknown visitor. I hurried over and scooped Charlie up, warning the man not to pet him because I could tell he was not happy. The man nodded, and then proceeded to wander around our property. Jen and I continued to chat hoping that he would go away. He did not. Instead, he planted himself on Jen's patio and asked her for a lighter. At this point I picked up on what Charlie already knew-- the guy was tweaked out of his mind and gave off some incredibly scary energy. Still sort of hoping he would leave, Jen and I continued to chat and ignored him for the most part. My neighbor Chuck then came around the corner. "Do any of you guys know why there are cop cars out front?" He asked, and we told him we had no idea. The wheels were turning in my head as I put together the possibilities of who this guy could be, taking into consideration the fact that the next complex over houses a fairly volatile couple who I think are also probably dealers. I calmly said to Jen, "I'm going to go ask Lee something, I'll be right back." I told Charlie to stay with her, and made my way to the front apartment. The cops had already left, but I quickly told Lee the situation and had her call the police and ask them to come back. I then strolled back to Jen (who was scolding the stranger for bringing his muddy boots on her patio), and we sat and chatted with the tweaking man until the cops came. Jen and I sat in my apartment as they searched him, questioned him, and then took him away. I have no idea what they he had going on and I don't really care, but anyone who disturbs my dog like that is not welcome near my home. This is a dog who responds to 99.9% of people with insecure, delightful curiosity. So yes, I trust his judgment that much.

I'm glad that the situation turned out ok, and for once, I am truly thankful that my dog knows how to bite.

...Then it got better

Apparently there has been a request for a post by one of my two readers. I'm wide awake at 4am and bored out of my mind, so I thought I'd oblige :)

I have a chronic need to be understood. I know that more or less everyone does, but my need manifests itself in feeling obligated to explain everything-- particularly my feelings. It's difficult for me to simply feel sad, hurt, or angry. I also feel the need to explain to others who are present in that moment exactly why I am feeling that way. Maybe this comes from a fear of being seen as irrational, which in this culture is a label often slapped on women with strong emotions.

This is (sadly, ironically) my explanation for the raw emotion behind my last post. I'd like to feel more free to share and express my emotions without the need to rationalize, or apologize. I do that too often.

Things with Charlie are better. That incident necessitated his possibly permanent move off of my bed at night. Everything I read in my research on dominant dog behavior suggested this, and I kind of knew the day would come. It was sad nonetheless. He slept on his bed on the floor for a few days, and then I put the gate back up in the hallway that I had taken down a long time ago and moved his bed there. He hated that gate when I first got him as I had tried to put him there while I was at work. He jumped it and nearly ripped his stitches out. Needless to say, I didn't expect his new sleeping situation to go well, but I'm pretty determined to re-establish my dominance so it needed to happen. The first night went surprisingly well. He cried for half an hour (the only verb that can be used to describe the pathetic sounds he makes) but didn't bark, and then went to sleep. The subsequent nights have been harder, since he sometimes wakes me up in the middle of the night crying. But I expect that it will get easier. He hasn't bitten or growled since he bit my face. It seemed to be a turning point for both of us. He seems like a different dog-- more grateful for affection and much more sweet natured than he's ever been. Hopefully this is a result of being assured of his place in the world. I sure love him.

It got worse

My dog bit me today. Not his usual unhappy snap either. My face was there as I leaned down to kiss his cheek, and there is a dainty puncture wound above my now swollen lip.

As I did his entire discipline routine I cried. And in one of my many anthropomorphic moments, I mourned the fact that even after all the work I've poured into him, my dog does not seem to love me. Memories of past relationships flooded me-- the unrequited and exhausted effort I had given trying to fix them and the men that I loved.

Reason #277... why Hannah does not yet have children

I’ve had a lovely last few days with my friend Amanda and her sister-in-law coming to visit me. We’ve been shopping and sightseeing around Palm Springs and then spent the day yesterday in Hollywood and at the beach in Santa Monica.

Charlie has had quite a naughty spell. Amanda pointed out the many things I’ve been letting him get away with, and I’ve consequently been dealing with him completely differently for a couple of days now. He does not like it. He senses that he is losing control and has had quite a few little freak-out moments. He’s too much like his mom. It’s gotten to the point now where when I correct him, he tries to bite me. Amanda has showed me some great ways to deal with that and I’m pretty confident in the plan I’ve laid out for discipline and structure. And I know that it will get worse before it gets better. But it’s still been disheartening to admit that I have so far to go when it comes to training him. It’s also an ego-deflater to realize how selfish I’ve been when it comes to his discipline. I let little growls here and there go unpunished because I’d rather cuddle with him then go through the whole discipline process (and believe me, it’s a process). I’m trying to change. That in itself is also a process.

The fun of the visit far outweighed any of the chaos that Charlie caused. The girls even re-decorated my patio while I was at work on Tuesday. I now have lanterns, a completely clean tile patio, a new plant and candle, and awesome bamboo placemats. It’s a completely adorable little getaway now. Amanda and I shared a wonderful bottle of Chardonnay that I’d been saving for a special occasion. I’m overwhelmed by how much I love and miss this woman.


Now back to the rest of my work week. Sad.