Blogger Challenge: Day 14

Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?

This is a self portait taken in August of 2010, so a little over a year ago. Besides the obvious (my hairs are a little longer now), and the circumstantial (I have been single for a year and a half, I moved into a 1 bedroom in North Minneapolis at the beginning of September), LOTS has changed for me.

Early this year I decided to seek treatment for an eating disorder that I was diagnosed with in high school. A large portion of my existence has revolved around food for as long as I can remember-- controlling my intake of it, obsessing over it, and often using it to self-soothe. My life has consisted of a steady cycle of dieting and then "falling off the wagon" for a very long time. I have always been resistant to the eating disorder label and to treatment (who would've thought a fat person could have an eating disorder? Not me), but I came to a point in early 2011 where I let all of that go. It was an enormous breakthrough for me.

In August of this year I decided to throw myself into my recovery, and aside from my regular therapy I dedicated my summer to outpatient treatment at an amazing facility. I learned a tremendous amount about myself. I gave up dieting for good (my health has improved a great deal because of this). I found a community of women who support me. It has been an overhwelmingly positive experience. With my weight and body image being such a source of distress for me over the course of my life, I have prayed for freedom from this cycle for a long time. I thought that freedom would come with the ability to lose weight permanently, but it didn't. I am learning so much about listening to my body and appreciating what it does for me. Some days are more difficult than others, but most of the time I feel content. I definitely feel a sense of freedom that I didn't have a year ago, and for that I am so very grateful.